Hate is the one word I seldom use, if never at all. I am not just scared of this word’s intensity and strength, I’m petrified. It’s like a curse that can bring about holocaust or catastrophe. It’s similitude to poison is immense that once you even entertain the thought, it will consume your essence little by little until you are overpowered by its supremacy and might and its venom starts to rule.
Muddled up vehemence is gradually taking control over my once inhibited wits that an odd feeling of profound resentment seemed bunged in my arteries and like a whimsical explosive, I am volatile and dangerous. I tried to tell myself that it was just a butterfly in a wheel and made myself believe that it was nothing major. Until my idiosyncrasies amplify my premeditated blind spots and chose to ignore the palpable truth that I’m constructively dismissing the only person who has been with me through thick and thin for more than a decade. I can’t believe I can single-handedly extricate a sacred vow without saying a word or lifting a finger. I practically did nothing yet I am looking straight at a relationship lethargically going down the drain. What happened to those couple fifteen years ago who defied all odds to craft their own destiny? Did they succumbed to their contemporary world that advertised liberty, freedom and independence to speak their minds and do what they want to do, forgetting the core values that they carried and believed in for so many years? Why is it so easy to go with the flow, magnify the flaws as well as the imperfections and disregard the sanctity of the bond? Trust lost its meaning, love is quickly fading and lies started their own coup d’état. I chose to be a silent bystander despite the fact that I am aware of its butterfly effect. What a moron!
I can feel the venom running through my veins. The toxin is spreading in my system and malevolence will reap its fruit sooner or later unless I actually willfully do something about it. Otherwise, the poison integrated in my soul will guzzle and devour whatever is left of me.
Hate is the one word I never used. Until today. Because truly, I hate the selfish, self-centred, egotistical, self-seeking me.
Muddled up vehemence is gradually taking control over my once inhibited wits that an odd feeling of profound resentment seemed bunged in my arteries and like a whimsical explosive, I am volatile and dangerous. I tried to tell myself that it was just a butterfly in a wheel and made myself believe that it was nothing major. Until my idiosyncrasies amplify my premeditated blind spots and chose to ignore the palpable truth that I’m constructively dismissing the only person who has been with me through thick and thin for more than a decade. I can’t believe I can single-handedly extricate a sacred vow without saying a word or lifting a finger. I practically did nothing yet I am looking straight at a relationship lethargically going down the drain. What happened to those couple fifteen years ago who defied all odds to craft their own destiny? Did they succumbed to their contemporary world that advertised liberty, freedom and independence to speak their minds and do what they want to do, forgetting the core values that they carried and believed in for so many years? Why is it so easy to go with the flow, magnify the flaws as well as the imperfections and disregard the sanctity of the bond? Trust lost its meaning, love is quickly fading and lies started their own coup d’état. I chose to be a silent bystander despite the fact that I am aware of its butterfly effect. What a moron!
I can feel the venom running through my veins. The toxin is spreading in my system and malevolence will reap its fruit sooner or later unless I actually willfully do something about it. Otherwise, the poison integrated in my soul will guzzle and devour whatever is left of me.
Hate is the one word I never used. Until today. Because truly, I hate the selfish, self-centred, egotistical, self-seeking me.
No comments:
Post a Comment