If

If you miss me once in a while
Would you stop and smile?

If you dream of me like I dream of you
Would you let me know?

If I promise to be true
Would you lead me back to you?

If I say it’s with you I want to be
Would you hold a place in your heart for me?

If I tell you I love you
Would you say you love me too?

Shot at Destiny

I had an unusual invitation recently… a wedding invitation. Not so much about the wedding but why they are getting married…at age 75? It’s not a renewal of vow; it’s actually their first marriage with each other.

Love story begun back on a remote area where they were neighbors and friends during their younger days. Guy was in love, girl felt the same but neither told anything.

Until one day, girl moved out of town, rather far away, settled there, married after several years and had kids. On the other hand, guy went overseas, married after that then went back to hometown to settle.

Paths crossed again one Christmas, aged 45. After the hi’s and hello’s, equipped with wisdom and maturity, talked about the past, did a little catching up… lo and behold, only to discover, old flame never died.

They parted ways on that same day, rather in despair, since both were not free. Thought that’s the end of it. Only one shot at destiny and they both missed it! If only one was brave enough to tell. But that’s of no use now, it doesn’t matter anymore and it wouldn’t help to live in regrets and the “what if’s”. Life has to move on.

Thirty years later, fate crossed…again. Both widowed, wrinkled face, salt and pepper hair…evidently youth has passed by many years ago but their eyes spoke the same language as loud as half a century ago…love.

They were given another shot at destiny and they took it. Regardless.

Some people laughed about it. Some showed admiration while a few expressed disgust. I was trying to identify a different kind of emotion when I first heard of it. At the back of my mind, I was asking “really?”, a smile on my face but with eyebrows raised.

So, it is possible.

So I’ve heard that love moves in mysterious ways. But I never really comprehended that love can wait that long. I thought that absence makes the heart forget. I thought that there should be something tangible to keep the love alive. I thought that time and distance are enough to kill any emotion residing in our hearts. I thought there are no second chances at destiny, once you missed it, too bad.

I think I was proven wrong.

I think that if something is dormant doesn’t necessarily mean it is dead. I think the heart cannot really forget, it’s a dictate of the mind. But if we leave things as it is, we will be surprised that it just stays there. Life moves on, years passed by and true enough, time nor distance cannot destroy something deep as love.

And lastly. I think, we make our own destiny. We call the shots because we have the choice!

Regardless.

The Long Wait

Faces after faces. The airport is a portal overflowing with all kinds of emotions. Happy reunion...sad departing...exciting new life ahead...confused about tomorrow. Sitting in a corner watching these faces passed me by made me wonder, what emotion am I giving out to these people? If someone is watching me now, what do they see? Will they find out what's deep within?

I flew from the other side of the world to bury a ghost from the past, to reconcile with what seems to be forgotten but surprisingly, I rediscovered myself instead. And like a bird, I had freedom to soar and spread my wings...however temporary.

The last few days amazed me. I laughed as if I've never laughed before...so hard it hurt and it felt good. My spirit was dancing at the sound of the rain in the middle of the forest surrounded by beasts and predators. I felt safe. And most importantly, I had friends who actually listened to what I was saying and not just hearing. I can be as imperfect as I am and they don't care. I laughed at the silliest jokes and cried for the crapiest reasons without thinking of being measured. I felt whole again. I felt alive and not just living. I found myself and actually liked it.

Then it strikes me. I can't lie to rest the phantom that I thought was haunting me. That same ghost is the only one left to remind me of me. Burying the specter is burying me. Denying his existence is forgetting who I am. I can't do that. He's too precious to me now more than ever. I can't afford to lose an endangered friend.

Looking back at the last ten days of my life, I found warmth in an unfamiliar place. From a distance, I liked what I saw. A familiar face has moved on and I'm convinced he's happy. On the other hand, I was able to express...bring out in the open what I desired to say for a very long time. Though a part of me was screaming not to. I need to before I lose the will and the strength to do so....again. Saying I love you is the hardest thing to do, especially if there's nothing beyond that. But I did. And I do. And that's about it.

As the plane pushed back, I know I'm not just leaving the place but the hurts of the past as well. I know I lost the fight but gained a friend. I know that I always have someone watching my back. I know that sometimes, saying nothing is saying everything. I know that whatever happens, regardless of time and distance, some things never change. I don't have to think. I know.